


Ikigai

by spitefulpanda



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-16
Updated: 2016-11-20
Packaged: 2018-08-31 10:35:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8574991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spitefulpanda/pseuds/spitefulpanda
Summary: He joins Overwatch to reconcile with his brother and stays, because he has nowhere else to go.





	1. Chapter 1

**Day 30.**

 

It has been exactly a month since he made the decision to seek out his brother and therefor met the so called ’Overwatch’. He knows, because he follows the days in his weathered leather journal, something he holds dear. It is a gift from a lifetime ago. It seems fitting to start writing it again, but he has little to say. He ends up writing down the days, but the descriptions are empty or very mundane. _It was a rainy day. I met Reinhardt Wilhelm._ He supposes he is out of practice, but the days usually pass without anything happening that’s worth mentioning.

He stares at the date, recalling his brother’s words from a month ago, after Genji introduced him to everyone he could find at the Gibraltar Base. _Don’t you worry, Hanzo. In a month time you will know everyone here. They are great company and even better friends, I’m sure you will find your place._

He realized the lie then and remembers it now. His brother somewhere deep is still the optimistic child he once was, a trait Hanzo wishes he had. Why Genji’s like this, he cannot guess, but if false hope is the only thing his brother will give him, he has to take that. He is not in the position to refuse anything. Still, he hoped his brother words had held some truth in them. That however, is not the case.

He has no illusion about having friends or ever being truly accepted. He only met half the team, but they are only polite to him, nothing more. Hanzo is tolerated, he knows that, no matter what Genji wishes to happen. His brother may have forgiven him, but he’s judged by everyone else.

Maybe it was a mistake to think Overwatch would work out. This is not his place.


	2. Chapter 2

**Day 43.**

The rest of the team returns in the evening. He watches their arrival from his newly favoured spot, the top of one of the higher buildings, a place only someone who can climb could get. It is peaceful, especially after dark, but tonight the jet’s loud engine puts an end to Hanzo’s meditation, and now he is sitting near the edge, watching the people climb out the vehicle.

He recognizes some from the pictures hung on the walls of the mess hall by a member of the team, an act a bit too sentimental for his taste. They all look tired, their steps heavy as they walk. If he remembers correctly the small girl with the strange pulsing device on her chest, - _a chronal accelerator_ , he recalls Winston’s words, - is Lena Oxton. She seems to be the only one energized as she talks to the strangely dressed man in a hat. That must be McCree. His brother talks about him a lot, even went as far to say that he couldn’t wait to introduce them to each other. Back then Hanzo was intrigued, but now that he sees the man his interest disappears. McCree looks like a man from a different world. A world he wouldn’t be able to live in.

He makes sure to hide, when the ridiculous man looks up in his direction.


	3. Chapter 3

**Day 47.**

It takes some skill to avoid Genji, but he is trying his best. He’s sure his brother realizes this, but for some reason doesn’t push the issue. Hanzo’s glad. He needs his space. The change in his life is drastic and the time it takes to adjust is not as fast as he hoped it would be. His brother is not the only one he is trying not to run into. Holding up a conversation with anyone else on the base is a bother, when he’s aware that all the exchanged words are insincere. The first few days of forced smiles were enough to make him want to stay away.

He misses the food. He cooks in his room every night on a small electronic stove, but the dishes never taste quite the same as in the mess hall. He needs to air out the room after, - he cannot stand the smell of burnt oil, - but overall the stove serves its purpose. Maybe the food doesn’t taste that great, but it saves him from the shared evening meals.

Tonight they are having salmon. He can smell it from his room and saw it arrive earlier with their weekly shipment. He tries not to be jealous. He knows he just has to walk out his room, go down the corridor and turn right at the end, but he can’t. No matter how great the smells are, he can’t bring himself to join the team. So he makes scrambled eggs. Again.

It’s sufficient. No one notices the missing eggs and they don’t ask questions about it. He tried taking fish before, but he was only told that they would serve it at dinner, but hence the short rations he had to wait until the evening.

He last ate fish in Japan.

All thoughts disappear, when someone knocks on the door. He tenses up, his fingers tightening around his plate. He places the half eaten dish on table and walks over to the door, hesitating a moment, before reaching for the lock.

On the other side is Genji. Hanzo feels his stance deflate, relieved by the fact that it’s only his brother. Before he can say anything a box is pushed into his hands. He looks down, before looking back to his brother confused. 

“What is this?” he asks in their mother tongue, his voice raspy from being unused. Genji places a hand on his bare shoulder and Hanzo hates himself for it, but he moves away from the sudden cold touch.

He ruins everything, like always. Genji quickly takes his hand back and there is a heavy silence between them. He knows should apologize, but the words don’t form in his mouth, so he only stares, hoping his brother will understand what he wants to say.

Genji composes himself a moment later. He let’s out and awkward laugh, keeping his hands to his side.

“Don’t get too fat,” is the only thing he says, before leaving and Hanzo stays on his doorstep long after. When he goes back to his room and opens the box, the slice of salmon is already cold, but it’s all right, because along his brother, his appetite is gone as well.


	4. Chapter 4

**Day 54.**

 

After hours of arguing and a lot of Japanese swear words he is still not getting his bow and arrows back. They took it for testing when he first arrived and even though he was reluctant, Genji managed to persuade him to give in. He tried to be patient until now, but this was ridiculous.

“This is just standard procedure, Mr. Shimada,” Winston says for the umpteenth time, clearly uncomfortable under Hanzo’s glare. “As you are aware there are many omnics all over the Gibraltar Base and your magnetic arrows might cause some serious damage if the calculations are off.”

Hanzo stops his pacing. “Do you think I’m an idiot?” He hisses. “I’ve been wielding a bow since I was a child, I’m not going to shoot around like a drunken fool!”

He looks at Genji, hoping that he will say something to prove his point, but his brother only lets out a tired sigh. He’s grateful for his presence, so he doesn’t have to deal with Winston alone, but he is useless right now. If anything, his obvious boredom only irritates him further.

“Please calm down, Mr. Shimada,” Winston tries again, scratching his head. “I’m trying to find a solution for the problem, or at least find a way for you to practice until the arrows are optimized.”

“They don’t need to be optimized,” he snaps, throwing his hands up. “Why is it so difficult to understand that without a good aim the magnetism is worthless?”

“He’s not against you, brother,” Genji finally speaks up, trying to sooth the situation. “I’m sure Winston wants nothing more than give back your weapons and although I have no doubts about your archery, the team’s safety comes first. Isn’t that right?” He asks, turning back to the scientist.

“A-absolutely!” Winston says, stumbling over the word. “I’m sorry for the inconvenience, but I have to do my job.”

_Inconvenience_ , Hanzo scoffs. Maybe it’s an inconvenience to the monkey, but Hanzo has nothing to do with his time and practice is the one thing he always enjoyed. Setting up a routine would be a great escape from his thoughts.

“How much longer do I have to wait?” He asks, his voice exasperated. “A week? A _month_?”

“Only a couple more days,” Winston assures him. “As soon as Athena gives it a pass, you are getting back your equipment.”

He feels like saying something mean to restart the argument, but bites his tongue. He glares at Winston a moment longer before stalking away, his brother quickly apologising on his behalf, before rushing after him.


	5. Chapter 5

 

**Day 56.**

 

He spends most of his days exploring the base. He already discovered nearly all the places, but there are still a few hidden spots left. While the base is capable of housing most of the members of Overwatch, the majority of the rooms are used for offices, emergency guest rooms, or meeting places. He never gets an invitation to those meetings, but Hanzo doesn’t mind and Genji always fills him in. They are usually led by the monkey, explaining strategies for missions weeks before they are due, but once again, he doesn’t go to missions either.

That leaves him with a lot of free time, but the number of things he can do are scarce. He holds onto the hope that it’s only a few days before he can finally step into the practice range, but boredom is a hard enemy to beat. One can only meditate so much before their mind starts to feel like a prison, and Hanzo is no exception.

His legs take him to the library. He doubts that he will find anything in Japanese, - if there are any, they would most likely be in his brother’s room, - but reading in English is a great exercise. Although his English is certainly not bad, his vocabulary is not as good as it used to be when he was taking classes every day. With that in mind, he steps into the usually empty makeshift library, - which tells a lot about the members of Overwatch, - and expects it to be vacant.

Seeing his brother’s omnic floating around the room with a thick book in its hand is a shock to say the least. _Zenyatta._ The omnic looks at him, as if waiting for him to break the silence first.

He has a habit of ignoring the tin can’s existence and he is not about to break that now. He grabs a random book with more force than necessary and leaves just as fast as he arrived. It’s only in his room that he remembers to look at the cover.

It is a ragged looking old piece, clearly read through many times. _How the West Was Won._ It’s a title Hanzo doesn’t recall ever reading, but it can’t be much worse than his own thoughts.

He tries not to stare too long at McCree the next day.


End file.
